3 Tips for Beating Your Quarantine Creative Slump
originally published on Medium
“I’m not inspired by anything these days. The state of the world is killing my creativity.”
“Nothing is open! No one is out! I can’t make anything this way! I’m staying home until the entire world is vaccinated.”
“I don’t even know where to start. I feel lost.”
“I’m a __________, and that requires a live audience/certain connections/such-and-such equipment/etc.”
lights cigarette, takes a long drag as snow falls over Manhattan. Insert smoker’s voice:
Listen kid, I’ve heard the story countless times. Hell, I lived it for the bleak six months from March — September 2020. And many times before the pandemic through my various creative pursuits while “normal life” was still a thing.
End smoker’s voice.
While I can’t directly speak to or appease every individual’s experience, I can say that I know what it’s like to feel hopeless, uninspired, fearful, and downright useless. As artists, we rely on our audience to push us forward and without live contact or consistent feedback, we may not have the excitement or spark to carry on. We also need certain tools to create, and depending on your financial situation, this may feel or be near impossible. So without an audience and without the resources, what do we do?
The one unifying factor about artists is that we are also innovators. We pioneer the human experience forward through media and expression and are constantly finding new ways to do so — virtual reality, experimental films, one-man shows in the park, etc. And if there’s anything the pandemic has demonstrated to the world aside from the importance of affordable healthcare and developing sustainable economies, it’s that the arts do matter.
Inside every person is an ability to create or destroy. And in destruction, new entities are born. This idea is not individualistic but universal; it’s the way of the world — war often brings about technological and medical advancements. I’m getting ahead of myself right now, let me get back to the point I’m trying to make.
Tip #1: Be honest with yourself.
Back in August right as I was beginning to emerge out of my mental and creative slump, I decided to get physical with my process. For three months I had been studying this psychological theory called “shadow work” where one digs deep into the more unconscious parts of their mind. I’m not a psychologist so maybe everything I think or know about it is complete bullshit, but I saw this as a way to learn about and from the darker parts of my mind. The parts that kept me in bed all day and night crying over every mistake I had ever made, the parts that led to self destruction after the end of meaningful relationships, the parts that told me “no” when all I needed to hear was “yes”.
So, I broke shit.
A close friend came over one day and expressed to me the anger and disappointment they felt towards themselves for moving back to our hometown during the pandemic rather than toughing it out in New York. I knew all too well what being hard on yourself felt like; the way I imagine it in my mind is like you’re bullying a younger version of yourself. You shame them, scold them, and the younger you can’t stop crying while the now you punches and kicks them as they cry and bruise.
I didn’t want my friend to feel like this. So we got in my car and drove to this nearby field and smashed a bunch of old vases and Christmas ornaments my parents asked me to throw out from their attic. With each vase we said “this is my insecurity” or “this is how much I hate so-and-so” or “fuck I can’t believe I paid $1200 in rent to live in a closet filled with roaches that smelled like ass” and smashed it against a sharp piece of rock jutting out from the ground.
It was satisfying, to say the least. Kind of like the equivalent of a good gym session or back massage. Except instead of just feeling the adrenaline within us, we saw it too. We gave it a shape and we called it by a name, and then we fucking broke it. We addressed our fears head on and got honest about what was blocking us, holding us back from the next stage of our evolution and ultimately from the dreams we have developed for ourselves. And before the environmentalists come @ me, we cleaned up our mess like reasonable people and threw everything in a dumpster (!!!).
These moments of reckless debauchery didn’t single handedly solve our problems. But it gave us an outlet and way to be honest and verbalize our thoughts and feelings in a safe space where we felt free of judgment. We could say anything that came to mind and analyze how truthful it felt and go from there.
Honesty is the first step in recovery. And while the truth has an ability to change with time and hindsight and a shift in perspective, there will always remain a piece of reality that transcends as real truth.
So let me ask you, what’s really holding you back? And what are you going to do about it? The only way out is through.
Tip #2: Go Rogue.
Have you ever thought about becoming a professional yodeler?
Or maybe you had once dreamed of developing spaceships for NASA.
Perhaps you’re a terrible singer but with just the right amount of autotune could rock a nation…
In the months leading up to March 2020 I was slowly turning my South Bronx art studio into a soundproof recording studio so that I could dabble in a long dreamed of hobby to create cosplay ASMR. I wanted to dress up as freak creatures and slurp soup into a microphone and whisper about my philosophical musings while scratching my hair with a round brush. It was weird and had nothing to do with any of my films or theater work. But the internet is a weird place and I knew someone would enjoy it and I would definitely enjoy making it if anything for the sheer absurdity of it all. I wasn’t planning on posting about it or sharing it with people, just streaming it at 2am in my studio for shits and giggles.
I made my own soundproofing panels out of old towels and pieces of wood from an old bed I threw out. I padded the door as well and set up some basic audio gear. I was like, totally ready to cosplay as Flounder eating fish soup and cracking open crustaceans… then March 15th. I was laid off from my day job and suddenly couldn’t afford to keep the studio. I had just signed a lease in Hell’s Kitchen after months of couch surfing and thought to myself, “well shit, now what?”
I started painting every day, another thing I had always wanted to do (and occasionally would!) but time just never permitted it in between working as an in house producer, night shift as a cocktail waitress, and writing my own scripts/auditioning/being human in what some people call “free time”. But that was the Old Life, and March 2020 was the New, so I busted out the ol’ paints and did what I barely knew how to do.
Every day I challenged myself to paint one film still of a female protagonist in one hour. I posted time lapse videos of this to my Instagram, and started chatting with various people across the country through DM’s. I began to receive commissions! Someone said they even started playing the guitar again because they found the videos inspiring! Artist see, artist do.
I was touched by the positive feedback, but also aware that I was growing bored after the first month and finding it more difficult to keep up the hobby and videos. And monetizing a hobby that I cherished solely for the personal fulfillment it gave me is — tbh — what broke the camel’s back. I returned my earnings to everyone and holed myself up again, putting the acrylics back in the closet and now having nothing to do.
Did I become the next Van Gogh through forced isolation and a large chunk of free time? No bitch — LOL.
Did I help myself cope by keeping my mind sharp and it perhaps helped other people too in the process? Yes.
Was it sustainable? Sort of, depending how you look at it.
In college I had a really great playwriting professor. Like, a really great playwriting professor. He encouraged creativity like a broken faucet, just endlessly showering his students with ways to write or see a story or develop a character or push past a block. Throughout the pandemic he’s been e-mailing people a daily writing prompt. I did the first few and like the painting, eventually stopped. But I still read them every day and think about what I would write. It keeps my mind going.
It also reminds me of some of his methods: drawing your hero to an uncharacteristic song and then verbalizing their backstory, storyboarding your plot before writing a single word, starting at the end and writing your way back to the beginning, ETC. Techniques aside from some Facebook troll saying “just write, it’s not that hard.”
BITCH — writing is HARD. You’re essentially playing God, creating an entire universe and making it tangible enough for someone else to read and understand. And then they might have to PERFORM that shit, or FILM it?! Art is hard, doy. So thank god that people like Finkle exist who can teach us how to do it when we don’t know what to do!
Going back to the idea of “going rogue” — the paintings and the writing prompts helped for sure, but the real fun stuff began in September. I finally started that ASMR channel I mentioned earlier. But as the nature of collaborations goes, it wasn’t just a typical ASMR channel.
This YouTube channel adventure is so fucking weird. I never thought I’d do something like this. Mike and I call each other sometimes to plan out the next few videos and we always have to stop and say, “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”
But honestly it just makes perfect sense. And it’s surprisingly opened many doors for me. So here’s to going rogue and doing it our way. clink.
Tip #3: Just Do It.
It’s exhausting typing this, but just fucking do it already. Just write the shitty novel for one hour each night while your partner is sleeping and your cat is licking its nuts. Just film the vlog and put it somewhere online to see what someone says. Just write the play and do a Zoom table read of it and keep working on the draft. Just film the movie.
So you don’t have the perfect camera or the right writing software or the blah blah blah blah blah… if there’s anything else that the pandemic has taught us, it’s that life is unprecedented, fragile, and gone in the blink of an eye. You may think “oh I’ll do this next year once I’ve saved up enough money to take some time off and then leave for a week to write this thing” but here’s the problem with that:
You’re not going to do that. You’re just not. Shut up — quit lying to yourself. Re-read tip 1.
Even if you did do that (which you won’t), you won’t even know how to do the thing when you get there and will waste a week of time staring at a blank page. Then you’ll give up on the dream altogether and go back to being an accountant, or whatever you do to pay the bills. Tumbleweed effect and next thing you know you’re in your 60’s and still an accountant and now bitter at the world. Well, fuck. How did you get here? By not reading Tip 1.
Practically speaking, you could be dead by then. Or someone else could. Or some other tragic thing could occur. Or the world will be blown up. Or whatever. Why are you putting your dreams on hold if you have the capability to do it now? Re-read tip 1.
Ahh, you smell that? That’s the scent of your excuses burning. Because that’s what you’re giving yourself: excuses.
If you read my last blog post, you’ll know that at the start of 2021 I set out on a goal to make 12 short films in 12 months; I call it “The 12–21 Film Challenge”. It’s now February 7th and despite the challenges of my car breaking down in the middle of a crippling winter storm, having a budget of only $1,200 to work with, and *waves hands in the air* a pandemic, METALMAN THE CATHARSIS PRINCE was successfully filmed last weekend!
Day 1: Director of Photography Jalen Eugene and Assistant Camera Ethan Verchot conducting a light test
Was it a big Hollywood production with bells and whistles and a RED camera and a full crew with fancy crafty services? No. We rented some of our equipment thanks to the affordable rates from Sharegrid and other film friends. I used a Hotels.com gift card to get a cheap hotel rate for me (producer/AD), two PAs, and our AC. Everyone played a background actor. We ordered Chinese food for dinner and spent most of the money on production design, which is what’s going to sell the world and vision of this project. On our second and last day of shooting, we received the snow storm alert that forced us to wrap 4 hours early and bust out of Philly before my car gave out.
Writer/Director Luke Mazurek offering notes to lead actor Garrett Lyons
We prepped well: four weeks of pre-production Zoom meetings, everyone was Covid tested prior to the shoot, and all resources were pulled together by a small group of 9 people. We found ways to stretch each dollar and make the experience educational for all involved. I had only assistant directed one other film before this, and to do it again while also tripling as the producer and co-star definitely threw me for some loops. On set roles overlapped occasionally out of necessity, and in this case it worked.
We just… did it.
Day 3: lead actor Garrett Lyons enjoying his coffee before the start of shooting
It’s in post production now, so that means editing, coloring, film scoring, audio dubbing, etc. before it’ll see the light of day.
And while it’s baking in the oven, I’m getting ready for my next shoot in less two weeks: “YES MOTHER!” directed by Misha Calvert.
Here’s some other cool projects made during Covid you should check out:
Anyways that’s all I got for now. Any Covid art you’ve found inspiring this past year? Comment below!
photo by NeekFX